Tuesday, February 28, 2012

F(e)asting: Ascetic or Aesthetic?

A Lenten beat poem 
based on Matthew 4:1-11 and Isaiah 58:1-2
We long to know the face 
and grow in the ways 
of the Lord, but growing pains 
strain us 
as we fill into the God-shape. 
In the past, 
on a monastic retreat,
I resisted the delicious scents 
of fantastic eats. 
But no ascetic ecstasy awaited me that Lent 
- just the persisting hunger of a fast broken and bent. 
Lenten abstention came and went, 
but what had it meant?
Is self-affliction our eternal condition? 
Images of the kingdom 
riveted to the lingering 
moments of hunger and homesickness
- those cravings 
enslave us to the awaited 
age of rebirth, 
testify to our desired new earth, 
preempting redemption through a
Lenten diremption 
of temptation from beneficence. 
Empty the self kenotically. 
Idiotic? 
Possibly. 
Gutting the body, hollowing the bowels, 
following the hallowed fertilized fallows 
awaiting a new seeding. 
Make peace with the season 
as a septic cleaning
- an existential enema 
for the proleptically resurrected. 
Fasting is not being-unto-death, but living 
through the death-ing of the present everything, 
stretching longingly
toward eternity. 
Yet we are indeed 
called to recall 
that we are carbon-based life forms, 
fodder for conqueror worms,
whose enzymes and germs 
will un-spoil 
corpses into topsoil, 
readying the killing fields 
for harvest yields. 
Resurrection smells like the mouldy bread of vitality, 
a non-finality despite the decay of mortality. 
Etching an ashen intersection upon my face,
I reminisce the life-in-death of the Lord’s Last Feast.

Our results are not timed at the finish line, 

but by the rhythm and rhyme of the sacred time. 
The divine kairos 
criss-crosses 
the minutes and seconds of history 
which all of us spend in blisteringly 
dull routines, with aches in our feet 
racing and pacing in the desert heat. 
We miss the synchronicity, 
that cosmic elasticity, 
when the Spirit spins the globe 
to revolve on the rpms of the heavens, 
faster, 
faster, 
fasting. 

Then the world grinds to a halt, 
and the light and the salt 
dissolve into wastelands 
everlasting.

A perimeter line 
on the sandswept hillside 
etches the divide 
between the swollen cravings 
of my heart’s raging 
and the distant objects of my extant longings.
They’re what I pace toward, 
turn my face toward. 
As long as I seek my missing piece, 
the reasons I give 
for the habits I live through 
only justify 
and lie 
that the circles on the ground 
my tracks have worn down 
are a path that’s tried and true.  

Hold fast, 
boldly fast. 

Striving for renewal, 
depriving my insides of fuel 
for my drives
...but still alive.

Viewed from addiction, 
elation is temptation. 
My motivation and identity 
pours forth from negativity, 
an abyss obsessing over what will fill me: 
a far cry from Chesterton's vision
of the necessary as luxurious, 
the quotidian as the flourishing, 
a revelling in the commonplace 
as the placeholder of grace. 
Glasses raise 
just to reach normalcy 
instead of praising exorbitantly.
The moment that wine
becomes medicine, 
it settles in 
to balance the baseline: 
liberating libations 
instead merely negate negations. 
Zero-sum logic 
turns gifts into projects, 
and the overflow of the gift 
becomes a leaking drip to be fixed. 
So don’t discourage in privation, 
but flourish in elation. 


Yet I profess that fasts
slowly grow awareness
in us. 
Wallace reminds us 
that this is water. 
This is water. 
This is water. 
This is wine. 
The scratched record skips 
and flips 
and finds a new groove, 
a new tempo in time. 
From the background, 
we hear the soundtrack again, 
new sounds bounce back and then 
echo and fade. 
Wade through the white noise,
wait for the right pause, 
orchestrate the wait, 
and test that whole rest. 
...
Mark time 
til you find 
that stark line, 
a melody to remedy 
and supercede 
the unplayed notes and beats 
you left behind. 
Overblow the pianissimo, 
‘cause finally the finale 
rallies the silent symphony. 
Break your fast now 
as the band breaks into a faster tempo, 
desires fire on all cylinders 
as they fill up on sensory overload. 
Shout like trumpets, 
blow low and high notes 
- and know that your song floats 
toward the right hopes.

This is no time to forego, 
this is the time to go forward. 
Out of the wild, 
riled up to sup. 
Out of the desert 
seeking dessert. 
Never abstain because you’re still stained, 
never desist because you’re diseased. 
Indulge in superfluous profusion:
fast faster...and feast!

Monday, January 16, 2012

A Commentary on Community

It wasn’t until college that I realized that I had never heard the word “community” -- I mean, really heard it, heard people leaning on it than as more than just a simple representation of social proximity. But last year, the concept really opened up on my consciousness when I spent a semester living in a makeshift intentional community within the restrictions of Christian college dorm life, studying with other students and professors about Christian solidarity and the meaning of intentional togetherness. That experience taught me reams about the goodness of communal intentionality, as well as the perils of community visions that are too narrow and rigid to accompany the organic unfolding of many unique individuals being together. However, the more I learned about the richness of the notion of community, the more disillusioned I became by the popular employment of the term itself.
It is not simply an overused word: it has entered the realm of cliché, where terms become buzzwords, bearing the weight of a thousand illusive allusions. Thus, it has become fashionable in many sectors of our society to promote a certain naïve brand of communitarianism: witness Starbucks' hijacking of the term to peddle their wares globally. Unfortunately, this sloganeering lip service is dangerous, because it provides a bright, comforting facsimile of virtuous unity with none of the responsibility or reward of its actual pursuit.
I hate that I still thrill at the sound of such empty communitarian rhetoric, but it's beginning to take its toll on me. The “community jones” that has been growing in me has stretched me to convey myself in terms of neighborhood, togetherness, unity, interdependence, etc. Of course, these terms also stand on the brink of semantic binging, losing their meanings through overuse. As a word, “community” suffers from an identity crisis: it can’t decide whether it wants to be descriptive or prescriptive. As long as we merely  “communify” the status quo rhetorically, we fool ourselves into feeling the buzz of a more purposeful co-existence that lacks the life-breathing implications which only hard work with one another can bring.  Does such rhetoric get in the way of true community by convincing us it already exists when it doesn’t?  Or rather, is such language an important first step toward truly changing the way we think and act in the world?
I think the problem is that community presents itself as being real instead of being an ideal grounded in reality. “Community” is not simply a label to be stamped onto any togetherness in the hopes of feeling better about how little we truly put into one another. For instance, a picture of agrarian farming is idyllic and breaks us out of our suburban reverie, but it rings false in my ears. Being from an Iowan farming town, I know bullshit when I smell it, particularly when it reeks of pastoral platitudes. This is my problem with pop ecology (the “going green” lip service which most international corporations have embraced in pursuit of a more “real” image). Now, I’m all for a robust local commonwealth and I consider myself a communitarian. But the more I've thought about how I imagine an ideal neighborhood openly sharing its joys as well as its struggles, I've realized how much true community I've missed in the mundane moments of my existing relationships. I began to realize that those experiences could be inspirational pointers to a life more in tune with those around me and with God.
Walking under the interstate overpass a while back, I saw a group of kids and adults painting a giant mural on the wall, one of those feel-good community scenes. It struck me that I'd always imagined those murals of cooperative, ethnically diverse, sunshiny neighborhoods as being painted by a single artist, yet here was proof that the form of community was bearing fruit, even if the painted image itself promoted a misleading vision of community.
In spite of my reservations about the content of the project (although it's certainly more inspiring than the surrounding abyss of neon signs, ad banners, and half-hearted graffiti), I was impressed by the fact that this was truly a community endeavor. Far from being platitudinous, the form of the artwork sincerely attempted to match its message. I think this scenario captures perfectly the essence of the problem prompted by oversimplified notions of community.
So what do I propose? I think it's important to begin where we are. We need to acknowledge the traces of goodness and rightness, wherever they may be found, in the people and relationships already surrounding us. As far as the linguistic issue, the beautiful flip side of a suspect communitarian lexicon is that the over-sized load of meaning that “community” implies serves as a wonderful reminder of our goal together, calling us into a more loving, intentional embrace of others around us in surprisingly ordinary ways. It is not an apathetic baptizing of the ordinary under communitarian terms, but it is instead a call to further commitment, and to re-commitment.
I think those intent on creating healthy communities together need to commit explicitly to a shared purpose, so that we have a common referent instead of the hazy illusion of unity. Unity needs a direction, a purpose, a vital telos. First and foremost, we need to see each other as worth pursuing relationally for each other's sakes, without ulterior motives. However, that kind of intentionality can quickly stagnate into a flat-souled tolerance of each other. So we shouldn't simply turn our gaze from those actually present with us toward some utopian version of each other, but we need a vision of who we could be as uniquely created individuals, together with each other in community -- a vision more in line with how God views us, how God created us to be, individually and together.  Cornel West has said, “Justice is what love looks like in public;” that sentiment embodies much more closely the kind of gracious, loving togetherness that the term “community” has wearied from trying to carry. So, by all means, use the word. But let it remind us that the word implies work.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Monstrosity of the Christ-Child

“The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?”

[from “The Second Coming” by W.B. Yeats]

         As we round the last corner of the semester and plunge full throttle toward the Yuletide, we are cheered by many types of Advent themes. Nearly every one deserves to be reveled in; however, we oftentimes too easily fixate on either the Christ’s divinity or his material humanity. Both of these need to be stressed, because different contexts need to be reminded of Christ’s wholeness in different ways. But I think we need to backpedal from an easy hope, a cheap hope. We must remind ourselves that much of the time, we act as though couldn’t care less about redemption, about reconciliation, about hope. At least, that is my story. My forgetfulness of the possibility of restoration is matched only by my indifference about the matter. Today, I want to awaken the primal feeling of awe at the fact that God become flesh that we might become like God.
I am not advocating a gospel of fear, but trying instead to recall the trembling I have had before the face of righteousness. I can only do justice to this God-awe-fullness by comparing it to absolute horror and revulsion. When the gospel does manage to break through the surface of my consciousness, it often disintegrates into boredom. This malaise is my soul’s defense against the bombshell which is Christ’s life-death-resurrection. I cannot stomach the love and amazing grace embodied in the natal form of Christ – a wretch like me can only retch at the smell of the manger. The stable destabilizes me. If hope would only leave me alone, I can make my tepid peace with the fragments of this city, and I can avoid the strangling sensation of longing for redemption.
           If hope never arrives – never advents – then I will never have to change and leave the shadows. My body lives in tension throughout the Advent/ure: while my head may know that the arrival of the Christ bears glad tidings of great joy for all people, my guts scream out that he will undo all the nothingness that I have assimilated to. What will be born on Christmas is not something which I can honestly praise – I have embedded myself so firmly in the mould of the world. I shudder with the powers and principalities at the name of the Christ child, because he threatens to strip my own identity from the tentacles Sheol which I drape myself in securely. I betray my longing for gospel-redemption with every thought, desire and action which secretly hopes that the hope-creature will be stillborn, dead on arrival. Abort this hope-creature, lest I cry out with Isaiah, “I am undone!” (6:5).
           Hope is not a promise – it is a warning. The prophecy of Isaiah 7:14 (“the virgin shall conceive and bear a son and they shall call his name Immanuel”) is not something for an unjust world to long for – it can’t, because the redemption which the God-child bears will make all things change. He will alienate us from our alienation. In terms of its visceral impact on our hearts and our guts, Mary’s baby should feel to us more like Rosemary’s baby.


“To them [the vampires], he was some terrible scourge they had never seen, 
a scourge even worse than the disease they had come to live with…
He knew he did not belong to them; he knew that, like the vampires, 
he was anathema and black terror to be destroyed
…A new terror born in death.”

[I Am Legend by Richard Matheson]

            I have long since assimilated to the ecology of death and despair. My heart’s twin pulses attack one another: my longing for hope is violently countered by my longing for the corrosive quotidian. I don’t want that hope. Shove it back into its uterine cocoon. Suture the creature to the walls of the womb. For if this god-creature is unleashed upon our planet, there is no power in heaven nor on earth which can pry its love-clutch from the crevices of creation. In an upside-down world, the one who stands right-side-up is the gestating Christ-fetus, bobbing like a gyroscope inside its host-mother.
            When the gridwork of constellations sagged downward, bending toward the Bethlehemic birthing-trough, astrologers from the East read this event in the stars. Once their message reached the king, he responded as we all do to the news of the coming coronation: the king launched a infanticidal spree against the boys of the region (Matthew 2:16). He knew the consequences of what was prophesied – he tried to exterminate the monster, lest the monster change everything.

All this was a long time ago, I remember,
And I would do it again, but set down
This set down
This: were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,
We had evidence and no doubt. I have seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.”
[From “Journey of the Magi” by T.S. Eliot]

            Eliot’s Magi know that the death-birth of the Thing called Christ is a singularity point, which collects the crushing weight of the distortion-driven universe into infinite density. The god-creature sucks into his very being every last drop of sin and every last drop of righteousness in the cosmos. Advent is the process of being sucked into the black hole of rebirth – and who knows what we may come out as on the other side? I am horrifically ambivalent about the horror of this vortex – I wouldn’t choose it, though part of me still desperately longs for it. There is nothing in my imagination which would choose to encounter such rebirth pangs. By the time Advent rolls around, I am depressed and weary from habituating myself to sarx, the resurrection-denying body-decay – and yet, I am confronted by a historical infant with a paradox which threatens me with absolute transformation.
              Thrown into being in the uterine deapths of a virgin teenager, the god-creature feeds off of utter humanness. It adopts the motions of a human child. It patterns its brainwaves after the mental frequencies of humanity. It guzzles umbilical nourishment, and makes itself into humanity. It is not made to sin. It is made to become the very likeness of sin, so that in it, we might become the very likeness of this god-creature (2 Corinthians 5:21, ESV). As Athanasius said, it has turned itself into us in order to turn us into it. What B-movie monster could menace humanity more horrifically than that?

Thursday, July 14, 2011

World War Too Much?

Okay, at long last, I’m finally back from my sabbatical (also known as “job search”, “working”, “getting married”, etc.). I have several topics that I probably should be writing about: first and foremost, I have to pretend to have a final word on the discussion of ethical-ontological complexity begun in the last post. I also have been planning an epic series of posts exploring the relationship of the Bible to myth, an invigorating task which neither concedes to the cold rationality of demythologizing liberal Protestantism nor to the reductive easy answers of Bible belt fundamentalism. But instead, I'm just going to write about what's on my mind. This topic has been ping-ponging around my noggin for many moons, and I'm eager to share it with you. What I'm alluding to is, of course, America's obsession with World War II.

Two years ago, my roommate convinced our suitemates and me to shave our heads. I was interested because my hairline is retreating (albeit so slowly that it thinks that I don't notice) and he was once a swimmer (and thus shaved every hair on his body). Now, I usually wore a cap, so it wasn't a huge difference anyway. But the weekend after we chopped it all off, the two of us attended a lecture by Elie Wiesel, the author and Holocaust survivor. Neither of us had thought about the fact that, without caps, the two of us sitting side by side at such an anti-racist event painted us as Neo-Nazis. Suffice to say, security was all over our butts. It was embarrassing, but I'd like to think it makes for a good story.

Anyway, the point is, we didn't really have to attend this lecture…and I'm not just saying that because it wasn't for class credit. No, I’m saying that our generation has been born and bred (and bored?!) on the Holocaust and World War II. There was nothing at the Elie Wiesel speech which I hadn't heard before. (Granted, I still furiously scribbled notes, but that owes more to a personal quirk than to the novelty of his ideas). I'm convinced there is, quite literally, nothing new to say about the subject. Let me spin a brief yarn (yarn briefs…cozy?!) of how WWII has informed American culture by looking at movies:

At first glance, it seems utterly baffling that seemingly half of the historical movies that do come out (at least the war ones) tend to focus on the WWII era. If this was the 1960s, this might makes sense (actually, probably not, given the pacifist tectonic shift of that revolutionary decade). But it's not as if the sequel to the War to End All Wars had the last say on national violence in the previous century: obviously, we've seen a spurt of Vietnam-related media, mostly in the late 70s and early 80s - but we seem to associate that with the zeitgeist of the 60s counter-culturalism. I am not aware of a single Korean war movie besides M*A*S*H (which was a thinly-veiled commentary on Vietnam). It’s true that the Civil War has gained some traction, but I’m convinced that much of its appeal rides on the coattails (or saddle) of The Western, the gold standard for America’s myths. And for all of its eccentric heroes, philosophizing, and all-around momentousness, the American Revolution has offered only the John Adams miniseries and a second-rate musical (namely, 1776) as serious contenders against WWII’s cinematic hegemony. There was a War of 1812? What’s all this about the French and Indians? No, there's something markedly different about the cultural domination of WWII.

Basically, WWII has entered the halls of mythology - not the Johnny Appleseed variety, but the Trojan War category. Interestingly, it seems that the same archetypal reverence for the state which seduced German citizens into flocking to support the Third Reich, rears its head in the ready-made sentimentality for the good ol' days when American men were men and women molded bullets for them. It offers a ready-made panoply of demigods and demons: it is the palette for the aesthetically lazy. It serves as the staging ground for the last gasp of clear-cut ethical decisions for the American public (so the story goes, although many German-American immigrants returned to fight in the Fatherland, suggesting that our collective conscience has never broadcast in black and white, as it were). Even today, the idea of “Nazis” and “Hitler” are not only the go-to concepts in ethics classes: they are literally the only phenomena which our postmodern culture dares to unflinchingly label as “evil”. I daresay that in the last half-century, all the derision cast upon the entire dark pantheon of people and movements which previous ages condemned without a second thought, has been subsumed into the Nazi apparatus. Only “the Krauts” and their pate-shaven successors have been solid enough archetypes to bear the load of wickedness. Only Nazis have no excuse.

Now, a case can be made that American conservatives, who defined themselves for at least four decades against the Red Menace, managed to reserve some degree of moral indignation and judgment toward Communism alongside fascism. But their strategy is almost always to portray the Communists as akin to Nazis. Thus, Nazism is always the most obvious yet most pervasive type of evil, and is therefore the measuring stick by which all other movements and actions and people must be gauged. In the 20th century cast of archetypes, there simply is no room for more than a single fundamental villain, and the fact that no one can ever again grow a toothbrush mustache without a severe case of irony or misanthropy is testament to Nazism's reserved parking space in American mythology.

There are two sides to the coin here, both equally disturbing. On the one hand, WWII (okay, and its predecessor) once again woke up the Western World to the reality of evil (okay, evil is a privation and not a reality, but I digress). Liberal protestant theology and the promise of progressive politics had seemed to forget that unpleasant aspect of our nature and cosmos, but what the first war failed to call to mind regarding desolation and sin, the second did with a vengeance (literally, given the Third Reich’s thirst for reclaiming power). So, we remembered that we are still pretty rotten, to say the very least. So that’s good (er, as it were…). But on the other hand the moment it (the other hand, as it were) opened its fist to reveal the reality of evil, it snapped it shut again on the one towering figure whom embodied the whole of the Axis’ ideological bloodlust: Herr Hitler. So, evil exists once again, but only in the guise of Nazism. This simultaneously ignores all the other manifestations of death and iniquity (lust, cowardice, selfishness, and the lot) but it also reduces the one true application of the label “evil” (namely, Nazism) to a tired insult thrown around by middle-schoolers bemoaning how hard a grader their English teacher is! The moral lessons of WWII are a rags-to-riches-to-rags story, at best.

I just watched Indiana Jones (one of my first eternal loves) with my wife, and was disappointed that the Hitler book signing scene didn’t give me chills like the first handful of times I watched it. Maybe it has something to be with the fact that I was young back then, or that I’ve seen it too many times now, or that the TV was far away and unimposing. Whatever the case, though, the WWII mythos seemed significantly less immanent and moving in this viewing. If for no other reason, I wish that America would get over its WWII fetish long enough that I can be enraptured by Indy’s Nazi-trouncing once again.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Cancer, Corvettes, and the Creativity of Grace

I've been talking with my friend A.J. for several weeks about a theme that has been plaguing both of us independently. He's been noticing that in any number of encounters in daily life, the moral judgment we normally employ is too broad-stroked to account for the complex, layer-upon-layer of moral dimensions which truly order reality. For instance, picture a luxury vehicle (I'll leave it generic to prompt your imagination. And also because learning about cars is as exciting to me as listening to the NASDAQ report as narrated by Ben Stein). It's price tag strikes some as Good, as an indication of absolute value (nothing costing that much could possibly be shite). Others see such costs as exorbitant and reflective of obscene individualistic consumerism, blissfully ignoring more substantial possible allocations of said budget such as providing care for elderly, etc.; the motives for buying such an exquisite machine seem laced with selfishness and self-promotion, and the car itself is undoubtedly a first-class polluter, created from materials possibly mined by exploited workers, etc. (Full disclosure: as my comments might imply, I have no love lost for the first perspective). But even though such evils pervade the making, buying and using of such a car, it is undeniable that there is an aesthetic dimension which can hardly be said to erode the human soul – the fine-tuned engine, the pristine paint job, the lumbar-supporting leather seats – all seem to evidence and promote human excellence and well-being. How are we limited creatures to understand and faithfully navigate the complex modes of morality which intertwine in every step of our lives?

C.S. Lewis, in “Miracles”, notes a certain “Principle of Vicariousness” whereby all created things depend on each other. He sees this phenomena as morally neutral: one the one hand, interdependence and symbiosis are reflective of the Trinitarian community and the wholeness which God imparts on his beloved universe. But more ominously, this can also be read as an endorsement of the necessity of evil, because goodness can come from evil (to wit: Joseph's phoenixian rise to glory in the wake of his brothers' enslaving intentions). More tangibly, all life itself lives only at the expense of other life...except, perhaps, plants. Even Jainism, seemingly the most life-conscientious religion (which advocates the continuous donning of breath masks to avoid inhaling and thus killing insects or bacteria) cannot avoid the fact that even vegetarianism, its preferred diet, is the act of consuming other life. Of course, in our pre-packaged culture, we forget that the things we ingest and digest were once breathing creatures. We cannot live without killing other things. So, where does this leave us? Presumably, in a state of ambiguity where our fallen, limited selves can never truly know goodness, because whatever goodness around us is laced with and feeds on evil. How then should we live?

This is why it's important to have a *historical* understanding of God's work and righteousness. We long for paradise, but based on what? The knowledge we have that, once upon a time, God created everything and it was good. Not merely passable, or morally neutral, but absolutely, positively good: every creature lived out of its function perfectly. And then, the foundations of the universe shook under the weight of the Fall, and everything changed.

For me, this is the most powerful objection to natural selection. I think that evolution is entirely compatible with the Scriptures. But natural selection's M.O. presupposes that self-preservation and self-propagation are *necessarily violent*. Nothing that exists today could exist without the Hobbesian mechanism of the universe's natural state, where life is “nasty, brutish and short”. Under the metanarrative of natural selection, the power dynamics and selfishness which characterize human life are due not to a historical rupture in God's unfolding will for the universe, but instead are *built into the very foundations of the history of reality itself*. Constrast this to St. Augustine's “privation theory of evil”, which claims that only Goodness is truly real, because God is the “most real” being; therefore, evil is only an infection on the Good, a distorting and perverting of originally pure intentions and functions. Under this view, it seems to me that the “creativity”of evil, which allows for *seemingly* proactive movements (ex. cancer is an active growth, not a physical withering) is an illusion: evil multiplies diversely only because Goodness is necessarily creative and diverse in its function. Evil only follows Goodness along for the ride, and hijacks it at interesting points. Natural Selection has no original peace, no original goodness. Whatever “goodness” we can acknowledge now is simply too bound up in apparent violence and “evil” to have any meaning, and certainly we have no ground to project an original Paradise.

I disagree. I believe there was an original Goodness to creation (whether or not it looked like the Genesis account, or whether such a story is a poetic rendering of the cosmic narrative which moves from perfection to fallenness and ultimately back again). Goodness characterized by God's gratioutous love and grace which can never be tied down to a lelgalistic interchange of works for salvation, but instead an uncalled-for gift. This giftedness of creation is inherently creative. This is the most important claim I'll make in this piece: mercy does not follow disobedience. God's grace does not operate only after the fact, to close the gap between ourselves and Himself; instead, it exists always-already. His love and grace are waiting for us – waiting for us not merely to sin, but to help share in His creative work. Grace's movement of mercy does indeed occur after we sin, but not to bring us back to “normal” with God, but instead to propel us forward, into the world. The purpose of reconciliation is not static, the nature of peace is not neutral, the nature of health is not simply “not-sick” but is a positive state which allows us to be who we were created to be and act accordingly. Being right with God, with one another, with creation is a positive, grace-filled, creative thrust. Each of us is different, rich with different gifts and loaded with different sins and wounds (which exist only because they've hijacked the original creativity of good work, of health, etc).

A.J. doesn't buy the Privation theory of evil – it simply seems too real and necessary in existence. So, he asks, can we really know the true opposite of evil? The problem with evil in our period (and perhaps always) is, as Hannah Arendt noted, its banality. Evil is rarely obvious and ominous: it usually seeps into our lives (like an infection) in seemingly good (or at least tolerable) ways. We justify preemptive war with cries of liberation and democracy; we justify all kinds of immature vices because...well, because 'boys will be boys'; we rationalize deception, however apparently insignificant, at every twist and turn. More troubling, we sometimes *actively* promote evil because it seems good. This is the moral ambiguity has troubled A.J. and myself.

But original Goodness can make no accord with Evil, just as there is no negotiating with cancer. It's always troubled me to read that God *hates* evil: after all, I thought God was love! But it makes more sense if we think of Evil not as a unified Person (the Devil) but instead as a force which pervades all of reality, shattering order and instituting its own infectious growths. It's important to note, I think, that Evil is not necessarily Disorder but a distorted reOrdering. Evil doesn't exist as a Manichean deity, nor as real, but it nonetheless has a logic and purposes of its own: it bends the tendency of creation (the “groaning for redemption”) toward God (the true, absolute reality) to absolute nothingness. Basically, what I'm saying is that Evil is violent, but it is not chaotic – its' only chaotic in relation to the Goodness of Ordered Creation. The style of evil, therefore, is an alternate order which deconstructs and twists the original, righteous order.

What this means, then, (and this is crucial) is that EVIL IS NOT NECESSARY. (For the record, I'm drawing a LOT from the work of Eastern Orthodox theologian/philosopher David Bentley Hart). Instead, evil is/was a potential for rebelling against God, and it has/has had disastrous effects, but God works through evil, using evil. But His use of evil toward His own righteous ends seems to be a different kind of “hijacking” than that of evil upon the Good: instead, He imbues the byproducts of evil with purpose in His kingdom. The Special Olympics is premised on the fact that many disases and accidents have hindered people from living normal lilves, but divine creativity, as displayed in the founders of the Special Olympics, has wrought joy and goodness out of painful and “unnatural” afflictions (a term I use delicately, and only insofar as it relates to God's original and sustained purpose for a whole, healthy creation) which have nonetheless shaped people's lives and identities. The important thing is, this is not logically necessary – people (and by extension, creation) could have been eternally whole and worshipful of their Creator. But His graceful love, which always reaches us before our sin ever does, works in spite of a wholly unnecessary Fall, and beats evil at its own game. But even if that's the case, A.J. rightly asks incessantly, where does that leave us in thinking, discerning, and doing, among such ambiguity and ambivalence, *even if* God is working through it? How can we possibly discern the levels upon levels of reality within which the forces of nothingness prey on Godly upbuilding, and righteousness redeems the byproductsof evil and repurposes it toawrd the divine light? How then should we live?!

To be continued...

(Spoiler alert: there is hope just around the corner!)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Do Work, Son

Okay, let's try this again. I just finished my biweekly coffee date with my friend Nate, and a conversation which ran the gamut from concerns with short-term mission trips to classical music. We sat in a hipster coffee shop (or "shoppe", if that's your cup of tea, as it were), the ideal location for rambling discourse among friends. This place is as leisure-filled as it gets (although a number of students are working on finals here), yet we always end up talking about Work. At this point in life, that's understandable – our jobs command 5/7 of our respective weeks, unlike the part-time work which was conversationally marginal in my school days. Anyway, I've been meditating on what Godly work looks like – not a Godly economy per se, nor even the robust Christian sense of vocation which my college went great lengths to promote in us impressionable, starry-eyed youngsters.

A few weeks ago, while reading “Things Fall Apart” by Chinua Achebe for my friends' book club, it occurred to me that not only the character of work, but also its very purpose in our lives has change in the wake of modern industrial capitalism. Whereas we have a national unemployment level approaching 10%, the very term “unemployment” would be incomprehensible in Achebe's small African village, because there is always work to be done. I imagine that the meaning of 2 Thessalonians 3:10 ("If a man will not work, he shall not eat”) seems to have changed with the coming of the Pilgrims to America: in Biblical times, it was most likely a simple matter of fact that a failure to sow or harvest would spell disaster for a person and his loved ones. But that assumed there was always work to be done – and in a semi-agrarian society like Israel, work would have abounded. Fast-forward 2000 years, where all our material needs and desires can be met...if only we have a *job*. However, the most popular refrain promising to save us from economic despair is “job-creation”. This would have sounded ridiculous in ancient times, because any work that was worth undertaking already existed. I plan to study this further.

In the meantime, I'd like to talk about the mundane rituals of everyday *work*, in and outside my job. Brother Lawrence was a 17th Century French monk who joined the brotherhood because of his acute clumsiness. His understanding of work, or “common business”, was characterized by a profoundly simple principle: every task, no matter how significant, should be done consciously for the glory of God. He spent his days in prayer – not quietly meditating, but actively enjoying God's presence while he cooked and cleaned.

I've heard others, especially my fiancee, referring to an “economy of abundance” as opposed to the prevailing capitalist economy of scarcity. But I only learned recently that this is marked not by naivete as to the material state before us, but instead by a *thanksgiving* for whatever we've been blessed with, regardless of its relative importance. I was reminded of this last night when I finally reached my apartment in a chilly evening (it snowed shortly thereafter) and soon found myself praising God for the miracle of bathroom radiators. I want to live a life full of those thankful moments.

Zen Buddhism focuses on mindfulness, but the purpose of such focus and “at-hand-ness” is not to give each moment and task its due, but instead to lose oneself – not simply metaphorically, but letting go of one's consciousness as a drop in an ocean of nothingness. At least, that's what I've picked up from my cursory readings of D.T. Suzuki. I think Christians have a lot to learn from such mindfulness, but for drastically different purposes: our chief end in life and death is not to cease suffering, but to “glorify God, and to enjoy him forever” (as the Westminster Catechism would have it). Thus, mindfulness for a Christian looks less like forgetting my own conscious presence, and more like remembering God's presence in my life. I've tried to pursue this mindfulness in my day job while tearing out old floors, grouting tile and talking to the guys I work with (“coworkers” sounds a bit too forced a term for these good ol' boys). It's certainly hard to remember every single movement and thought as a potential act of thanksgiving and praise to the Almighty, a la the monastics such as Brother Lawrence. But I think it is vital to viewing work as more than getting by, more than making money, but instead as the task of responding to God's call (or “calling”, in the spiritual or vocational sense). It's important to remember in pursuing one's unique calling that no task is too small or great for us to accomplish in a spirit of gratitude and vigor. Now if only I can remember that when Monday rolls around...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Unwanted Fling with Dionysus

After accompanying my fiancee to work on a conversationally-contentious CTA jaunt, I rode the Red and Brown lines for a few hours, alternately napping and slowly working through Nietzsche's "The Birth of Tragedy". Now this is a short book, and one I've skimmed before (I was supposed to actually read it for class, but you know how these things go), and Nietzsche is as gripping as philosophers get. But I was just crawling through it, maybe because of the L's lurching and leaning, or maybe because I'm trying to figure out what order looks like in my own life.

Ol' Friedrich sets up the characters of two ancient Greek gods against each other - Apollo, marked by dreams, language and order, versus Dionysus, marked by drunkenness, music and chaos.  To Nietzsche, the dreamlike Appolonian attitude pervaded Greek poetry and literature, imposing a distant, abstracted sense of order. The Greek chorus in a typical classical play reminds the audience to suspend their disbelief, a device which nevertheless reinforces the artificial nature of the onstage proceedings. Nietszche contrasts the Appolonian distance (which is still self-conscious even as it leans backwards out of subjectivity to recognize a play as a play, or to view a painting as a painting) with the Dionysian self-forgetful orgy of the many into a primal unity (which is viciously subjective in the vein of Kierkegaard's Aesthetic mode of being, yet nonetheless cedes its very individuality in the act of pursuing its id-like desires, which empties one into others like the indiscriminate hooking up at a frathouse binge party). Anyway, Nietzsche priveleges music over language, claiming that speech and text (which embody Apolloniasm)  are always a copy or shadow of the eerie primeval melodies (which convey Dionysianism). Somehow, I suspect that Derrida would disagree. The really interesting thing about this is not that Nietzsche attaches opposing metaphysical qualities to two fairly similar mediums (music and drama) pitting them against each other; instead, he subtly differentiates between them in order to present two alternate metanarratives: one grounded (or rather, "ungrounded") in chaos and random particularity, and one grounded in order and an almost ironic sense of the real. These two metanarratives have different ways of explaining each other - each assumes its own authority, and that the other is a two-bit ripoff of itself (Nietzsche himself claims that the Dionysian preceded the Appolonian, however).

Anyway, this metaphysical interpretation may not be warranted - maybe he indeed simply writing a history of Attic tragedy. But I think it's much more interesting as a way of thinking about order in my own life. If order is of the (ahem) order of language, then there are definite rules for how life is to be arranged. (I would argue that music is as equally ordered as language - both modes of 'communication' are certainly willing and able to bend or break such rules, but let's ignore that for the moment). Because Nietzsche associates language with drama (he mentions lyrics when discussing Dionysian music, but claims that music absorbs lyrics because it is more primeval, therefore any focus on language itself must be in a medium of lesser emotional power - apparently, that is how he views the stage. I think he's right - as pretentious as music can be (I read somewhere once that song is the place where we sing the kinds of things that are too cheesy to ever be spoken, not to mention that its harmonies are preconcieved), it certainly doesn't match the pretense of the stage (costumes, script, props, etc).

So, if order is a veil over an original disorder, then my attempts to live according to the Text (Scripture as the script for the good life: patterning my life after Christ's incarnational reinterpretation and fulfillment of OT law) is never more than a shadow play. Conscious attempts to live into sanctification (to say my lines and play my part with unique excellence) always exist under the clutch of a constant Ordering (a script, a director, a limited stage with designated props), yet this Ordering is always imposed (like a play setpiece) atop the stage of a prior chaotic dithyramb (dissonant melody). Order can never overturn Chaos, it can only ever cover it up. If true, thios is extremely depressing. And yet our messy world runs on the principle of Entropy: creation seems to be groaning to return not to Paradise, but a pre-BigBang nothingness. To wit: cities built atop fault lines cave back into the earth which had upheld them. With every passing medical advancement, nature seems to develop new ways to kill us (AIDS, new variants of cancer, a panoply of mutating influenza strains, etc). Even Styrofoam, the most durable of un-decomposable materials, has a half-life, and will someday turn back into the carbon chains which had congealed to form it. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Perhaps most tellingly, Jacque's famed monologue from As You Like It waxes on the very themes of The Birth of Tragedy, beginning with "All the world's a stage" and commencing with the entropic return to the carbon-based chaos known as death, as evidenced by the nearly-dead antiquarian "sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything". Of course, it might be argued that primal chaos is a far cry from nothingness. An old toothless man can hardly function as an active participant in a drunken orgy (although his senility certainly fits the bill of Bacchic drunken forgetfulness). But although the tones of Taps are a sullen afterthought to the life-giving nuptial strains of Pachelbel's Canon in D, it is not a stretch to think of death as a dreary Aristotelian end, in the Freudian sense of the Death-Drive.

I guess I'm really trying to find a way to deal with my own latent (and unwanted!) nihilism, and Nietzsche is raising his hand, squirming in his seat, and squealing, "Oooh! Pick me!"  At least once a week, I pray to my Savior to purge the nihilism from my soul, and I'm scared to think how deeply its dusty talons still reach into my being. I'm not talking about a (dare I say) "metaphysical" commitment to nothingness and meaninglessness. Instead, it's more of a pragmatic nihilism (how Zizek characterizes ideology): how am I actually living, despite my professed beliefs? This is a question which I'm sure will take many more posts to answer. In the meantime, beannachd dia Dhuit.